Some men get scared right away and back out with the plan of approaching the lady even before they tried. The problem I see about this is that either you are not confident enough about yourself or you are just conscious of what she might think about you.
When talking to girls, you have to remember that they are not all the same. The way they think varies depending on the environment that they are into. For instance, if they are among the groups you find at bars, then most likely she is definitely open to knowing more people and would never hesitate talking to a guy who wish to get her number.
I am not actually stereotyping groups of people according to their disposition. What I am trying to imply is that there is only a possibility and that you can use this as an advantage when it comes to talking with girls.
But most often, girls are misconstrued by men. If they see a woman not quite entertaining the talk, they would immediately conclude that she is not interested. For some reasons, women do this as their defence mechanism. In this instance, she does not give the guy an immediate impression that she really likes him. She would most probably give him a hard time to test his sincerity.
If you would be able to know and understand the language of women, you would certainly be surprised of what they are actually thinking. So to help boost your confidence in pursuing her, here are some facts that you might as well consider:
- Most of the girls that you converse with actually like you.
It may not be too obvious but girls do really like you. They would never waste their time staying if they do not actually felt something with a spark. If a girl is not really interested with you, she will right away leave and stay away from you. But if she does, she will just be listening to you, even if you see her not smiling.
- If you do not pursue her, you would probably lose her.
You have to remember that girls want to be chased. While the rule for you guys is to keep girls wanting you more, girls, in the same way, want you to want them more and chase her.
Rarely can you find women who would be the first one to walk to a guy and talk to him. I tell you, most of the girls would want to establish their image as someone you can hardly get in just a single talk. That is why, never stop pursuing her. Giving up right away would only make you regret in the long run. You could have done better and be more patient to really pursue her.
- You have got nothing to lose if you keep things no course.
It really pays if you keep on the course and never give up right away. Just because she never smiled back at you does not mean that you have no chance of inviting her out. Girls do change their minds more often than you do. This time, she might be able to realise that she already wants to go out with you.
It is innate in a man to really talk with girls most especially if they find her beautiful and appealing. That is why there is actually no hard and fast rule in talking with girls because this is where your creativity will be tested on how you would be able to get her into talking to you even for the first time.
Naturally, if a person is stranger to you, you would never divulge something personal thinking that it might only be used against you. Women wear masks whenever men talk to them. They do not give their full trust right away to a man whom they have just met. That is why it could be hard for you to really get to know her better most especially if it is still your first time. However, like they always say, with practice, you would certainly be able to let her unveil the mask and tell you a bit of personal matters.
Talking with girls and getting their trust is a matter of skill. From a viewpoint of a woman, a guy is able to get a woman’s trust if he was able to know the following information:
- Her full name
- Perhaps bits of the address where she can be found like the school she goes to, the gym where she enrolled and the like.
- What she has been up to lately.
- The career that she is planning to pursue and her reasons for that.
- Her phone number.
- What she is planning to do right after your talk.
These are just actually some of the information that you might be able to get from a girl within a few minutes if you have mastered the skill. Do not feel down if you would not be able to get it right away. Remember that you would always have the chance to do so. Do not rush it because everything will come out naturally.
In talking to girls effectively, you should first be able to come up with a plan of how you are going to unveil her mask. So how would you exactly do it? Let me suggest a few things that I have learned from my researches and surveys.
- Make her feel comfortable with you by sharing something about yourself first.
The best way to divulge information from someone to is also divulge yours. Let her feel that it is okay to share a few matters with you because you have also shared about yours.
Do not make it as a one-sided conversation. Hence, if you want her to give you her number, then assure her that you would never tell it to anyone or you could also give yours. Exchange of numbers would be much better because the situation would not appear creepy to her.
- Ask her questions from general to specific.
There is always a so-called stages in asking questions. Try to be conscious about how specific your questions could go because it might only scare and intimidate her.
- Talk about something you know that both of you could relate.
If you think you share the same interest on one thing, then perhaps this could be a good topic for you to talk about.
By this time, you should be able to differentiate bragging from merely showing her what makes you special. The former is only a bluff while the latter has the substance. Remember that girls really get amazed with men who can show themselves as really special and different from other typical guys. When you do this, make sure that you never lie to her about anything, or even exaggerate certain matters. Just be true and show her that what you are showing her is really genuine.
There are actually a lot of guys out there who actually knows nothing but brags about a lot of things. Women can sense that. If they feel that you are just lying and everything you said was just a mere bluff, then expect that you would not be able to see her again. Not only that you have lost one but you would most probably lose a number in the future for being branded as such. So be very careful with your actions because you can never tell that some other girls are just around observing you.
What I am trying to point out here is that you only show her what you’ve got and not what you do not have. How would you be able to make yourself irresistible in front of girls? Let me share you some tips that you might as well consider:
- Admit that you are quite weird sometimes, but in a good way.
Right from the start you can tell her right away that you are quite weird. She might be confused why you are telling this to her. Well, this could only be an ice breaker for her to get hooked up on the things that you have to say.
You can perhaps tell her that you like dogs you love to take them to a walk every day or you are into some theatrical performances and would like to invite her some of these days. You can share anything about you. Hearing these “weird” activities that you can barely expect from a man would only make her intrigued about you and thus make her wanting you more.
- If you know how to play the guitar, you can sing her a few songs.
It may be too old fashioned but playing the guitar in front of girls would still work all the time. For instance, you came from a music gig and you happen to pass by your crush, you can initiate some talking first. You can either offer to let her hear your song or you would wait for her to insist on it. But I tell you, girls would most probably do the latter because women love songs, most especially sung by men.
Although you do not have to bring with you your guitar at all times, you can still let her know that you know how to play one and perhaps invite her to one of your gigs.
- Show her some of your masterpieces.
If you are an arts enthusiast, you can invite her to see some of your masterpieces like photos or painting. Girls do appreciate art and they would most probably appreciate it if you show them your artworks.
If you have seen her alone, and seems open for a conversation, then this could be your time to make your move and talk to her. You can start by saying a simple “Hi” or “How’s it going?” if you two have already been acquainted. You can talk about something that both of you know. Be creative and be spontaneous.
However, in striking a conversation with a girl, it does not mean that you have to do all the talking. Actually, the rule here is to let her do the talking. Why? For simple reasons, first, she should be the highlight in the conversation, and second, she might only think that you are just playing around because you do all the talking.
Whether she is a shy one or if you feel that she is quite reluctant to talk to you, still let her talk. I am quite sure that she has a lot to say. You may add on to what she says or make a comment. But never steal the floor from her. You just have to initiate it. If she responds well and shares a lot of things to you, then you are on the right path.
Keep in mind that while you let her do the talking, you also have to do your part. This is because if she notices that she is the only one talking, then she might feel that you are bored or uninterested in her. Listen to her when she talks and keep your eye contact fixed on her.
I would like to share to you some rules when it comes to this matter. If you let her talk, then I hope you would consider the following:
- Do not interrupt when she talks.
It would be quite disrespectful if you will interrupt her in the middle of her talk. Well, it is okay to interject some insights regarding the matter but never disrupt her to a point that she had already lost the momentum of telling you the story.
You can interrupt her for some good reasons. Perhaps you can do it once or thrice but never do it many times. She will just get annoyed and would most probably avoid to talk with you again. So be sensitive about it.
- You do not have to wait for her to finish her story before you also share yours.
There are times, for good reasons, that you can interrupt her while she is talking. You do not have to wait for her to end it. If you have something to share that can be related to the matter that you are talking about, then feel free to do so. She would appreciate it.
- Listen carefully to every detail.
How would you feel if the person you are talking to is not paying attention? That is why, when she talks, listen very carefully even to the smallest detail. She would know that you are not listening if you keep on asking the same questions over and over again.
- React appropriately to what she is saying.
Reacting to her stories would only show that you are really interested in her. You can nod or say something as a form of affirmation.
I understand that you get scared at first when you have the chance to talk to her. Being nervous is actually really normal for everybody, even those who are “experts” at this. It only shows that you are romantically interested in her that is why you feel that butterflies in your stomach.
When we get nervous, we sometimes resort to our creativity just to get to talk to her. I know you must be thinking of sending her text messages or emails or you would interact with her through social networking sites. However, there are really some who thinks way beyond what we can think of, and that is to send messages or love notes through the girl’s close friends. Sounds brilliant? Well, I do not think so that is why I will not recommend it to you. Here are the reasons why you should not use her friends as your bridge towards her:
- You might just send her the message that you are really coward to face her.
If you keep on sending her notes or messages through her friends, she might only think that you are not man enough to face her. It turns a woman off if a guy is doing this kind of tactic. It only implies that you do not have the confidence to really come to her and talk to her personally. Men may have fears but if they are man enough, they would certainly be able to surpass it. That is the true essence of manhood.
- Not only that you would look bad in front of her but also to her friends.
Sending messages to her through her friends would only disclose everything that should only be kept between you and the girl. That is why if something happens along the way, expect that her friends would also be able to know everything. You will not only be embarrassed in front of her but also to her friends. That is the sad truth if you are too vulgar with your friends. You get to know everything with no exceptions.
Remember that girls are “talkative” by nature. So if she turns you down, the whole club certainly knows about it with an eyebrow raised on you.
- She might be thinking that you are only interested in one of her friends.
Making her friends as your bridge towards her might send her the wrong message. She might only think that you are actually interested with one of her friends and not her. I tell you, women are sensitive and also jealous. They are susceptible of thinking a lot of things without even you thinking about it.
If you are really sincere about getting closer to her, then do not use her friends. Stand up and be a man. Do your move before anyone else does.
- Worst, she would just treat you like a “boy”.
The worst part of this scenario is that she would only be treating you as a “boy”, someone who is not a man enough and immature to play games on her. So if you do not want her to treat you that way, gather yourself and talk to her one on one.